Commit to keeping your relationship intact. Commitment is the foundation of relationship survival. It needs to be verbally expressed by both partners before and during a crisis. Each partner needs to know that the other wants the relationship to survive. Speak or write your commitment; don’t rely on assumptions.” During times of complete frustration and overwhelming despair, try to do what needs to be done next. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re tired, sleep. And if there’s a bill to be paid, pay it. Don’t try to think ahead, just do the next thing. In time, you will feel better.” Respect each other’s differences. You and your spouse may not handle the crisis the same way, physically or emotionally. You may have different reactions and different feelings. This doesn’t mean that one is right, and the other is wrong; it means you’re different. It is vital to respect and accept your differences. Allow your partner to handle the crisis and heal in the way that is best for him or her.” Schedule priority talk time. If one partner wants to talk all the time about the person who died (or the job or health loss) and the other partner doesn’t compromise by setting aside priority talk time. This can be daily or weekly for fifteen to thirty minutes, or whatever meets your needs. During this time, you both agree to share your thoughts and feelings about the crisis. If you schedule a time and stick to it, the talkative spouse knows he or she will be listened to while the quieter spouse knows he or she only has to endure talking about the painful subject for the specified interval.” Tragedies Cause Loss When tragedies threaten to split your marriages always try and repeatedly say to yourself: “I value my marriage. I have lost enough.” It is my deepest hope that this will be the determination of your heart. Even if you are going through a myriad of horribly conflicting feelings, please do what you can to hang on, TOGETHER. Give each other grace and space, as needed, but determine NOT to let your marriage be another casualty. As Dr Ray Pritchard puts it, and we agree: “In short, I offer you no miracle cure for the problems of life. If it is true that into each life some rain must fall, then some of you are getting a thunderstorm right now. I don’t know when the rain will end. But it doesn’t have to destroy your marriage. When the love of God is the foundation of your marriage, the rains can come, the winds can blow, the river can rise to the threshold, but your house will stand firm because it is built on a rock which cannot be shaken.” Make the Commitment If the love of God has not been the foundation of your marriage up to this point, isn’t it time to get onto your knees together and make the commitment? If you haven’t been wise builders up to this point, or you’ve strayed from being wise builders in the past, isn’t today a good day to change that? Building upon a shaky foundation, where your home is at peril with every strong wind that blows your way is not wise. But what is even more foolish, is continuing to live upon that shaky foundation. This is especially true when your marriage is in peril of falling down upon you, as well. You may not have the energy to build much of anything right now, so don’t. Start small. Start together on your knees. If your spouse won’t join you, then be the hero here. Fall to your knees for both of you right now, with the hope that one day you both will do so together. Don’t Focus on the Ugliness of Tragedies Don’t make your future your focus. Instead, look right in front of you. Do what you need to do right now, taking one step at a time. Trust God after taking each step for what comes next. “Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” (Matthew 7:24-25) May your marriages strengthen all the more as you build your marriage upon the rock. .