Requirements for a successful Infidelity counselling outcome: Both parties must be willing to take responsibility for their role in the part of the marriage that was not working. This does not mean that the non-offending party has any responsibility for the offending party’s choice to cheat, but rather they are willing to take responsibility for their part that they may have had around communication, conflict management or sexual intimacy. Both people must want to save the marriage and see value in their relationship, be willing to do homework that comes with counselling and both people must be willing to prioritize their relationship and put in the time required to repair it. Signs a couple may not be ready for couple counselling but may need individual counselling: High levels of traumatic systems i.e. flashbacks, triggers, panic attacks. These may require individual counselling to get these under control. Ambivalence (indecisiveness) about the importance of saving the marriage. Individual counselling can help the person work through their ambivalence. The offending partner is not willing to cut off the relationship with the person they were having an affair with. The non-offending party or offending party is not willing or able to accept responsibility for their part in making the relationship not work. Things that don’t work in dealing with infidelity: Ignoring the problems in the marriage that contributed to the person being unhappy. Just forgetting about the infidelity and pretending it didn’t happen. Punishing the offending partner by taking away the children. Using extreme controlling behavior on the offending partner.