Given the pressures of social life, school challenges, and current events, it's no wonder that children can feel anxious and frazzled. From academic and social pressures to external factors like growing up during a war or a global pandemic, kids face many ongoing challenges. But how can you tell if your children are stressed? What are the signs of stress in teenagers, preteens, and young adults? Most children encounter stress at least occasionally, though it manifests differently for each child. Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution, notes, "Every child is unique and will display her own personal signs of stress. Parents need to be on the lookout for unusual or suspect behaviors and actions." Developmental psychologist Rene Hackney, Ph.D., founder of Parenting Playgroups and Parenting, concurs. She points out that changes in normal behavior can be significant indicators of stress in young children, echoing Pantley's advice. The following signs may indicate that your toddler or young child is experiencing stress: Changes in regular sleep and eating habits Shifts in emotions, such as becoming sad, clingy, withdrawn, or angry Increased crying or tantrums Nightmares and bedtime fears Physical ailments like headaches or stomachaches Anxious tics (fast, repetitive muscle movements that result in sudden and difficult to control body jolts or sounds), coughs, or body movements Frequent reliance on habits such as hair chewing or thumb-sucking Changes in bowel movements Avoiding certain situations and people Verbal expressions of increased fear or anxiety Asking more questions (often repeatedly) and needing reassurance Pantley adds, "These symptoms don't always indicate stress; they could be related to misbehavior, habits, or growth. However, if a child's behavior worsens, it could be a sign of something more serious." If there is any concern that a child's behavior is becoming more extreme, seek advice from a professional. Signs of Stress in Teens, Tweens, and Young Adults Just like with younger children, the signs of stress in teens, tweens (a youngster between 10 and 12 years of age), and young adults can differ from person to person and by age group. If your child is experiencing stress, they may show one or more of the following symptoms: Headaches Stomachaches Nausea Sleep issues, including insomnia, excessive sleepiness, nightmares, or difficulty falling or staying asleep Irritability or anger Trouble managing emotions in general Academic problems Changes in social behavior, such as increased difficulty getting along with others Sadness or withdrawal Changes in eating habits Obsessive-compulsive behaviors What Causes Stress in Children? Stress in children can stem from various sources, including academic concerns and busy social schedules. Here are some of the most common causes of stress for children from 18 months to 18 years old: Separation Anxiety Separation anxiety is a significant cause of stress for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. Parents should note that while separation anxiety can be a healthy response to being apart, it can also be triggered by unrelated stressors, like starting a new daycare. Dr. Hackney explains, "When there's a life stressor, kids' tolerance for other frustrations tends to decrease." This can result in increased clinginess, trouble with goodbyes, or nervousness about being away from primary caregivers. Familial Changes Significant family changes such as death, divorce, a parent's job loss, or moving to a new home can cause stress for children of all ages. Elizabeth Pantley notes that the combination of heightened emotions, disrupted schedules, and unfamiliar routines can make even the most relaxed child feel tense. Even positive changes, like the birth of a sibling, can be stressful. Dr. Hackney explains, "Change can equal stress. If there is a significant impact on the way life has normally been, stress can result." School According to Medline Plus, a resource from the National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health, school can be a significant source of stress for children, teens, tweens, and young adults. Stressors include worrying about schoolwork or grades, juggling responsibilities, dealing with problems with friends, bullying, or peer group pressures. Overwhelming Schedules Children live in the moment and enjoy taking time to explore their surroundings. Overscheduling them with activities or constantly rushing from place to place can cause stress. When a parent's busy agenda doesn't align with a child's natural pace, it can lead to feelings of stress. Unexpected World Events Major events like natural disasters, school shootings, and terrorist attacks, as well as exposure to violence on the news, can affect children of all ages. Even accidental exposure to scary movies or commercials can impact a child. Elizabeth Pantley explains, "It's common for children to pick up on the stress around them." Be mindful of any frightening or violent images in a child's environment and monitor older children's internet activity. Puberty Experiencing bodily changes and going through puberty can be stressful. This period is filled with uncomfortable unknowns and, at times, awkwardness, both of which can contribute to stress. Daily Stressors Everyday stressors can accumulate and cause stress in children. Some children also face ongoing stressors such as poverty, neighborhood violence, family conflict, an absent or unreliable parent, or family members engaging in harmful behaviors like drug or alcohol abuse or illegal activities. Any of these factors can lead to stress and anxiety in kids. HOW CAN YOU HELP YOUR CHILD DESTRESS? Keep Calm and Carry On "It's important to stay calm and acknowledge your child's feelings," says Elizabeth Pantley. "But don't go overboard." Show that you understand your child's emotions, but also convey that nothing bad is likely to happen when you are apart and that your child can handle any situation that arises. This helps your child learn they don't need to be paralyzed by stress or fear. Dr. Hackney recommends using "matter-of-fact empathy," where you express understanding through words, body language, and tone of voice while maintaining your course of action. For instance, if a child doesn't want to go to daycare, say, "I know, this is really hard. I know you really don't want to go, and you're having fun at home," but continue with your routine and head out the door as planned. This approach communicates, "I completely understand, but we're still going," reinforcing resilience and routine. Stick to the Schedule Maintain daily routines, such as attending school, daycare, or preschool; mealtimes; and bedtime preparations. Routines are especially important for toddlers and young children, as they help them feel in control and create a sense of calm, according to Dr. Hackney. Consistent bedtimes are crucial because children of all ages can become stressed when overtired. Elizabeth Pantley advises ensuring your child gets a good night's sleep, adequate naps, healthy meals, and plenty of daily activity to help them cope with life's stressors. Allot Time for Breaks Incorporate sufficient time for rest breaks, naps, and preparation for activities. Young children follow a much slower pace than adults, notes Pantley. They live in the moment, pausing to watch a cat sleep, examine carpet patterns, or stare out the window. Review your schedule to prioritize important tasks and enjoy special moments with your child without rushing to the next activity. This ensures you're not missing out on special moments by constantly moving to the next item on the agenda. Plan Ahead and Allow for Processing Dr. Hackney explains that how parents present, frame, and discuss a stressor, and how they answer questions, sets boundaries for how children perceive it. Plan in advance what you want to say to ensure clarity and accuracy. Try to anticipate their questions and prepare your answers. "When telling a child about a death, start honest and small," suggests Dr. Hackney. For instance, say, "We wanted to let you know that Grandma was very sick and she died." Based on their questions, you can provide more details according to their age, maturity, and your comfort level. Allow them time to process the information. Monitor TV and Internet Exposure Be aware of what your child is watching on TV. Dr. Hackney points out that children can be exposed to violence when a parent watches the news in their presence. Consider reserving certain TV shows for after the kids are in bed or limiting news viewing. To avoid unintentional exposure, schedule different TV times for different-aged kids or ensure programming is suitable for younger children when they're present. Websites like kids-in-mind.com or commonsensemedia.org offer reviews and ratings to help you make informed decisions about TV viewing. Additionally, monitor internet usage, as social media and cyberbullying can be significant stressors for adolescents and teenagers. Learn more about healthy social media habits to support your child's well-being. Give Extra Love, Hugs, and Kisses When your child is adjusting to change, providing extra one-on-one attention along with additional cuddles and kisses can be very beneficial, regardless of their age. Elizabeth Pantley suggests that extra affection can make your child feel more at ease and help them adapt to new routines. Whether the change is positive or negative, this added support can enhance their confidence and self-regulation skills, making them more adaptable and resilient to change. Actively Work to Decrease Stressors Ensure your child has ample opportunities for fun and work on reducing sources of stress. For instance, if parental arguments are frequent, seeking marital therapy might help reduce tension in the home. Teach Stress Management Skills Teach your child stress management techniques such as deep breathing, visualizing calming scenes, and using positive self-talk like "This is tough, but I am tougher and I can handle it." Tailor these strategies to fit your child's personality and temperament, as each child responds differently to stress management methods.