We’re hopeless romantics at heart and we believe relationships should be romantic. Blame it on how we were raised and what we watched as kids. Research shows that kids who watched more romantic TV programs (like soap operas) had stronger beliefs about men's and women’s roles in relationships, and dated more people (Rivadeneyra & Lebo, 2008). But it’s also what we’re still watching with those who watch more romantic comedies having more romanticized beliefs about relationships (Hefner & Wilson, 2013). Research shows that watching more relationship-focused TV shows however is associated with less relationship satisfaction and experiencing more conflict. The 5 Most Problematic Romantic Beliefs It’s clear that romantic themes make for good entertainment, but those same ideas in our own relationships may be harmful. These romantic beliefs sound like they’re setting you up for success, but in reality, set you up for disappointment. 1. Love Conquers All. This may be the most romantic belief of them all. All you need is love. If you love your partner, you can overcome any obstacle. Sounds hopeful and optimistic. It is, but it’s also plain wrong. Love is certainly part of a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship. However, it’s only one part, a single piece of the puzzle. There are many other key pieces: respect, caring, kindness, support, understanding, communication, trust, enjoying your time together, and friendship (to name just a few). Make no mistake, a partner who truly loves you also provides all of that but Love by itself isn’t enough. It’s merely a start and putting too much emphasis on love and believing it conquers all encourages you to minimize many problematic aspects of a relationship. Love shouldn’t be an excuse to tolerate mean, inconsiderate, or abusive partners. You must also avoid falling in love too quickly and with the wrong person. Relationships Should Be Perfect. Thinking that your true love will be perfect and that your relationship with that person will be perfect sounds, well, perfectly romantic. Yet, it’s completely impractical and sets you up for inevitable disappointment. Your partner will say and do the wrong things occasionary since your partner isn’t perfect and you aren’t either. Perfection is a myth and expecting perfection leads to overlooking your perfectly great relationship. The solution is to stop pursuing perfection, and instead seek excellence. Everyone deserves a great relationship, but realistically, even great relationships aren’t perfect. Jealousy Is a Sign of Devotion. Everyone wants their partner to love them, but how do we truly know our partner loves us? the easily noticeable ways are when your partner worries about you, cares about where you are and even wonder who you spend time with or who you’re talking to? But when they try to keep all other would-be partners away and give you all the attention, these are no longer signs of love or a caring partner but rather indications of a jealous, needy, and insecure partner. The healthiest relationships are built on trust and suspicious and controlling behaviors don't signal love. They reveal insecurity. The truly loving partner trusts you and doesn’t need to worry about what you’re doing, inquire about who you’re with, or do anything to protect you from others. The best partners trust each other. You Should Always Put Your Partner First I would do anything for you is a classic romantic feeling but sacrificing yourself for your partner while sounding romantic, is just not necessary or desirable. Putting your partner first encourages you to downplay your own strengths and minimizes your best accomplishments, and forsake your needs. A partner who truly loves you would never want you to make big sacrifices but instead, proudly embraces who you are and be willing to put yourself first sometimes (without any guilt). However, you must be willing to at times let your partner have the spotlight and they as well be willing to do the same for you? At times having some me time is a mentality that will strengthen your relationship. This isn’t to say that your partner shouldn’t be a priority. They need to be but you can prioritize them without neglecting your thoughts, feelings, and preferences. Romantic relationships last forever. Couples celebrate anniversary after anniversary, year after year and everyone wants to find an everlasting relationship with their forever partner. Though this sounds magical, focusing on longevity emphasizes the wrong thing. What’s more important in life is quality, not quantity. Yet, in our relationships, we overemphasize how long they last and gloss over how good they are. Satisfaction, fulfillment, and meaning are more important than the number of months or years you last. If you focus on quality, the quantity takes care of itself. After all, who wants to be in a 20-year relationship that’s miserable? We overemphasize longevity because it’s easier to count the years than quantify the quality. Taking an honest open look at our relationship just doesn't feel unromantic but rather a betrayal of some sort. But it’s not because real true love, can take a little scrutiny and a great relationship can also withstand higher expectations, natural imperfections, putting yourself first, rejecting jealous behaviors, and focusing on fulfillment. Such relationships don’t end up adrift in love and suffering in failing relationships. There’s nothing more romantic than a strong healthy and fulfilling relationship. The funny thing is that getting there often requires rejecting the misguided lessons of love we’ve mistakenly labelled as romantic for far too long.