Some people want to avoid the difficult feelings that could arise in a confrontation. Some people take comfort in their difficulties. By complaining to others about the problem they get sympathy. Not resolving the difficulty is a way of punishing the other person. Discord and disharmony may be preferable to no relationship at all. Refusing to reconcile is a way to keep the relationship on its own terms and remain in control. For some people, negative feelings are so familiar that they hold on to anger and shame just to feel alive. Some people feel that they deserve to suffer and be unhappy. Not reconciling allows some people to feel superior. The person wronged gets to feel righteous while the perpetrator is seen as the villain. Some people are too proud to reconcile. Reconciling might require them to admit that they have also contributed to the difficulty. Some people see no hope in reconciling. Resolving Relationship Conflict Emphasize the positive, and de-emphasize the negative. ... Share your feelings and try to see your significant other's point of view. ... Say something to your partner or spouse at the time the problem occurs. ... Make the first move. ... Healthy relationships require compromise on a regular basis. Four Types of Reconciliation Everyone's reconciliation story is different, but everyone can reconcile in one of four ways: 1 Deep, mutual healing. The first is the one we long for the most in which both people grow and change, and there is a deep healing in the relationship. When this happens, amazing transformations can occur. When this kind of reconciliation occurs, it's a gift to be cherished. 2 Shifting your expectations. In this type of reconciliation, one person changes his or her expectations of the other person, and the relationship opens up, whether or not the other person makes significant changes. 3 Agreeing to disagree. In this instance, two people have dramatically different versions of past history--like whether or not abuse occurred--and rather than each trying to convince the other that he or she is right, they agree to disagree. They try to find common ground that isn't connected to the dispute as a way to forge a new relationship. 4 Inner resolution. The final kind of reconciliation is the inner path we travel when direct reconciliation with the other person is impossible. The other person may be dead or maybe too drunk, too damaged, or too hostile to make reconciliation possible. The other person may have slammed the door in your face and isn't about to open it anytime soon. Or you attempt reconciliation, and your efforts fail. In these instances, our task is to grieve for the relationship we don't have and slowly, gradually learn to move on. Finally, one of the most important steps is that both individuals need to acknowledge that the hurt is over and that it needs to be put in the past. Talking about the incident should focus on giving and getting forgiveness, not about the hurt that was done. Forgiveness can help you feel more satisfied in your relationship, sustain your relationship through hard times, and help your relationship function better. Forgiving your partner can also be very beneficial for your physical, emotional, and psychological health.