Anyone who has been married for more than a few days understands all too well just how messy marriage can be! It isn’t the smooth road of love that we once imagined. At some point, we’ll find out that marriage gets messy; and sometimes it gets VERY messy—even gross! Has it surprised you just how gross and messy marriage can get? Most or all of us would say a resounding, YES! The reason for that is because life is messy. And there’s a reason for that. “Life is messy, because it’s real. If someone else’s grass looks greener, it’s either fake, or you’ve never been up close and personal with it. Get up close and you’ll see it has as many flaws as yours does. Remember, the difference between a beautiful garden and a wilderness is the time spent caring for it. If your lawn is unkempt, instead of leaving it, take care of it a bit more. And while you’re at it, fix the fence.” (Sheila Wray Gregoire) “Marriage is not about the wind blowing your hair as you glide across the sea. It is more like holding hands while the storm rages around you. It’s like getting drenched in life and waiting patiently for the sun to dry you. It’s about choosing, again and again, to reach out — to reach out, and to keep reaching out. … Marriage is hard, and messy, and beautiful, and real. And so, so worth it.” (Melissa Fouss, from her article, “Marriage Is Hard and Messy, And So Worth It”) There are physical storms, financial storms, relationship storms; the list goes on and on—not to mention the ones we cause ourselves when we bump up against each other. You have been together all these years but youare still working out differences with your spouse. You see things this way and he or she sees things that way. And of course, when that happens, you usually have to make some type of adjustments. And that’s when marriage relationships can get messy. Marriages are messy because when you get married you have to change. Period. Regardless of race, religion, age, economic status, or anything else. You’re living intimately with another person. Your quirks will annoy them. And your habits will be different from their habits. Your families will have different expectations and ways of doing things. Your pasts will end up being triggers for each other. Plus, your faults will cause pain. Your fears will become tension points. Even your strengths can become areas of friction and jealousy. Marriage requires that each unique couple figures out the millions of tiny, and not so tiny, adjustments that need to be made in order for the relationship to survive. You have to change who you are to some degree. Have you met you?! No matter who you are, there are plenty of things that have to be worked on; and a marriage relationship will bring them to light in a major way. We’re not saying that spouses should compromise on their innate personhood. In fact, marriage partners should support and grow the gifts, talents, goals and so forth of their mates. But you’re going to end up divorced if you think you’ll never have to fix a fault, heal an old wound, become a more experienced communicator, change the way you go about daily life, do things you don’t want to, give up things you enjoy, compromise on life goals, move somewhere you’re not thrilled about, get rid of comfortable habits, sacrifice time and probably money, and acknowledge that your spouse is just as flawed as you are. Two people mean messes. But two people who change and shift and grow can turn those messes into opportunities to create a tight, loving bond. And what a wonderful bond you can form, IF spouses are serious about cleaning up the messes they create in marriage! It isn’t easy; but it is definitely worth it! But first we must stop believing the myth that: “Marriage shouldn’t be hard. This is actually code for, ‘I didn’t think I was going to have to work at this.’ Truth is – life is hard, and therefore marriage is too. Marriage takes work and in order to enjoy it as it was created and intended, each spouse has to diligently work at it. If they don’t, they will drift slowly apart until they barely recognize each other. And it is! It’s difficult, but it’s rewarding. And it’s “always messy.” Dr Carol Peters-Tanksley gives this insight on this issue: “The union of two sinners is always messy, but it’s still one of God’s best laboratories in which humans can learn to love well.”